She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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