awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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