A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
