We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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