You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
