so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
