Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
