ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
