Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
