I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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