i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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