I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
