so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
