how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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