well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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