I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
