I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
