you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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