If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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