so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
