So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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