Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
