Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
