the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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