Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
