I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
