My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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