i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
