Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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