It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize