know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
