i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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