I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
