So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
