i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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