I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
