There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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