A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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