I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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