His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
