yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize