What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
