is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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