i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
