If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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