Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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