My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No subtext here. People are naked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize