I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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