Who did Billy Mays play for?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize