We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet