Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
