if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.