morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My legs feel like baby dolphins