I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week