Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there