I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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