walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
