Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
