If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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