OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
