The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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