Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
