In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
