you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
