Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
last night I used snow as a chaser
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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