My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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