i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
