I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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