guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
