Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it's like heaven, but drunker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
