good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
